Be Brave

When I was 11 years old, I had a life changing experience.  I had a mean teacher.  I don’t mean a teacher that gave out too much homework.  I had a teacher that called me names in front of my peers, told me I was too stupid to learn, and accused me of plagiarism when I won a school poetry contest.  He publicly humiliated me but add into that mix that I was in that awkward middle school stage and in a new state, new school, and had zero friends…disaster.  I was a straight A student going in and a D student coming out of his class.  After years of being the teacher’s pet and constantly praised for my scholastic success, this teacher made me believe that I was worthless in a matter of about 4 short weeks. 

My parents noticed.  I was emotional.  I was quiet. They decided to talk to the teacher, and he told my family to “take their redneck daughter back to Texas where she belongs.”  I kid you not.  That happened and no one went to jail or got sued.

We did move though.  My parents broke the lease on the house they had just rented in Tennessee and moved us into the city.  New school. Fresh start.  The new place even wiped my grades and within a few weeks I was back on the honor roll. 

But my confidence had taken the hit.  I was out to prove something with my grades and my writing now, but quietly.  I did not speak in class.  I did not make friends.  I did not raise my hand to answer questions and if I was called upon, I would turn bright red, my heart pounding so hard I thought it would fall onto the floor.  I was stuck socially.  Home was my safe place and the books I was addicted to were my escape into a world where I had friends and a purpose. 

I spent my middle school years trying to disappear in the crowd.  In the meantime, my little brother was a beautiful beacon of personality and charisma.  Six years younger than me, he was more popular in my 8^th grade class than I was.  Small town famous with big time confidence.  Born cool.  That is what I tried to explain to my parents.  He just had something I didn’t.

That is when they gave me advice that changed my life. 

“It’s not that he has something you don’t.  It is that he is willing to do things that you aren’t.  He was once scared to talk to new people, but he did it anyway and so often that now it is easy! He wasn’t born hitting homeruns, he just kept swinging the bat because he loves that moment it connects!  He doesn’t know if the shoes he likes are cool or not, he just picks the ones he likes the most and loves them enough for everyone else to love them too!”

I got it.  It clicked.  He was not cooler than me.  He was braver than me.

If you want something, you are almost always going to have go out of your comfort zone to get it.  If I wanted to have friends, I was going to have to talk to strangers.  If I wanted to have confidence, I was going to have to act like I had it before I felt like it.  Eventually, it would come.  Practicing confidence takes courage.  And being courageous builds confidence. 

As you grow older and you reflect on the moments in life that impacted you the most, it will often be the trials that you faced and overcame.  It’s the time you were lost in the woods and survived.  It’s bootcamp, childbirth, college exams.  Whatever hard, painful, scary thing you faced, and you overcame, that is the story that builds you.  Confidence comes from acting on courage and the more often you do hard things, the more confidence you will build. 

I took that lesson to heart.  I started high school, once again in a new part of town.  I knew no one.  And I acted like I knew everyone.  I smiled when I felt panic creeping in.  I said “Hi” to anyone that looked my way.  I volunteered to read sections of Hamlet aloud in class.  I was kind to EVERYONE.  The cool kids and the goths.  I was on a mission.  I didn’t just want to have friends.  I wanted everyone to feel like they had a friend because I knew what it felt like to be friendless. 

Now I never shut up.  No one believes my story, because they can’t imagine me as a total introvert.  But my family knows.  They watched me go from hiding in the dark to leading presentations and they know exactly how hard that was for me.  They planted the seed of courage in me, and they watched me fight back and blossom.  My life took a path I would never have been on if not for the wise words my parents prayed for me to hear and take to heart.  I am forever grateful that they were brave enough to challenge their teenage daughter to be courageous.